8 Need-To-Know Break-Up Truths

inner healing relationship break-up self-compassion Dec 30, 2021
Healing from Relationship Break-Up

Break-ups suck for most people. But some of us can take it a lot harder than others. This is who I am writing this article for.

It's for all the people who feel bereft after a romantic relationship has ended, who feel like the best has just been taken away from them and who can’t imagine that they will ever feel happy again.

I have been there so many times and know what that’s like BUT that’s only because there were some things I didn’t know then and so, to spare you unnecessary pain, I want to share them with you.

 

Feel Your Feelings

It’s normal to feel sad but it will pass. I promise you, these feelings always pass. What you must do is allow yourself to feel them and to know that this is just the yucky part of being human.  

Don’t fight your feelings. Don’t make yourself wrong for feeling them. Just let them flow through you. Remind yourself that they’re temporary. Breathe deeply and slowly to help you body calm down. Take care of yourself to the best of your abilities. The love you need the most is your own. 

 

It’s NOT a Reflection of Your Worth

So this is our go-to-explanation BUT someone breaking up with you NEVER means that you’re unlovable or unworthy. NEVER! It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. It doesn’t mean any of the awful things that pop up in your mind. It’s negative self-talk at its finest and it’s toxic shame rising to the surface. DO NOT believe it! Try not to listen to it!

Most of the time, people break up with us because we’re just not a great match. It’s never because we lack worth or lovability.

So don’t go there. Don’t do it to yourself. It isn’t even true so that horrific pain is for nothing. Spare yourself!

 

Be Practical

When the emotional storm has mostly passed, try to think of the things you liked. Don’t link it to the other person. Most of us make the mistake to attach the other person with an experience we liked. For example, “I had so much fun going rock climbing together - it was perfect!”. 

These experiences are NOT limited to this one person! They are not limited to any person so don’t make the mistake of believing that you can only experience a certain thing with this one person.

The happiness, joy, fun, lightness, connection …. It all came from you. They didn’t give it to you. You just allowed yourself to tap into that version of you when you were with them. So go ahead and create new experiences that make it easy for you to open up and connect to all those wonderful feelings and experiences.

They’re not The One. You are.

 

Connect with Others

Share what’s going on for you with trustworthy others who are able to listen to you, support you and want what’s best for you.

You are not alone. 

There are people out there who love you and want to be there for you. Don’t forget about them. Don’t invalidate this truth.

One person not wanting to have a romantic relationship with you, doesn’t mean that you are all alone and have no one.

You are loved.

 

Work Some Mind Magic

Put a different spin on things once you’ve fully felt your feelings.

If someone else knows that you’re not exactly what they’re looking for (for whatever reason!), then it’s good they set you free because now you can attract someone who knows how perfect you are for them.

There’s nothing worse than someone ‘putting up’ with you while secretly thinking negative thoughts about you when there’s someone out there who just loves how you are.

The person who broke up with you was honest and respected you enough to not waste your time. That’s a good thing!

  

Think Forward

Will this bother you in 5 years time? In 1 year? In 1 month? Definitely not on the first 2 and probably not on the last.

You have a life to live!

You are the only constant in your life and that’s a good thing! The better you get at knowing yourself, understanding yourself and having a loving relationship with yourself, the better a life you can create for yourself.

This is the story of you!

Other people come in and out of chapters but you are the whole book.

  • What experiences do you want to make happen for yourself?
  • How do you want to feel?
  • How do you want to treat yourself?
  • What kind of life would you feel proud of creating?

Start with that and the rest will fall into place.

 

Attract The One(s)

Learn to be open and to express yourself. 

Share your truth and set boundaries with others.

You need to show people who you are (and that means figuring it out for yourself!) so you can give them something to fall in love with. 

Don’t hide, censor yourself or people-please.

You will attract the right people into your life by 1. becoming who you want to attract and 2. by being all of you, unapologetically.

Ditch the toxic shame and all of its lies.

You are a wonderful being that has so many gifts to share and truths to speak. Don’t hold yourself back because others have misunderstood you in the past.

Open up and make it easy for your people to find you.

 

Upgrade Your Relationship Vision 

Relationships can be great but they are not everything (I know, I specialise in relationships and still, this is true!!!).

So while you’re not in a relationship, focus on yourself. Focus on the relationship you have with yourself.

Heal, nourish yourself, grow. 

You matter. What you want matters so get clear on what that is.

What kind of relationship would help you to be the happiest, healthiest and most fun version of yourself?

What things do you need in your life to feel confident, supported and good about yourself? Know them and NEVER drop them.

No relationship can ever replace the relationship you have with yourself. So value it, respect it, protect it.

Upgrade what you expect from your relationships with others as you develop a better and truly loving relationship with yourself.

  

Remember This!!!

Someone breaking up with you hurts. I know it does.

But it doesn’t define you. It doesn’t say anything about how good you are. It doesn’t mean any of the horrible things we can make up in our minds.

Please take care of yourself through a time that’s painful for most of us.

It won’t last forever and there are much better days ahead.

You have a life to live, you have amazing experiences ahead of you and you are the one who will make it all happen.

Because you’re incredible and worthy of love and an amazing life.

NEVER forget that ❤️ 

 

With Love

Marlena

 

 

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