How to Create Loving & Connected RelationshipsNov 26, 2021
Today I'd like to share something with you that not many people know about or necessarily like to hear but that is a really important truth if you want to transform your life and relationships.
I'll try and keep it short ;-)
I became a psychotherapist because helping others has always been my most favourite thing to do. I didn’t want another person to feel as alone as I had felt growing up and I also found that I was good at calming, reassuring and encouraging others.
During my studies, I became very interested in relationships and began to research what distinguishes a healthy one from an unhealthy one. I learnt so much more than I had ever bargained for it because not only did it transform my practice as a psychotherapist, it also transformed my personal life.
Like most people, I used to think that as adults we need to find one person that we can be happy with and use some relationship or communication strategies to make it all work.
Like most people, I got it wrong.
We overly focus on the doing. We read books, watch videos and learn about love languages. We buy flowers, book holidays and go to couples workshops.
It can all be lovely and somewhat useful but nothing can ever make up for the #1 element that determines whether you can and will have a loving and successful relationship or not.
And that #1 element can’t be found in books or strategies or any type of performance.
The #1 element is pure, strong and honest.
It’s not something you can buy.
It’s something you have to uncover, nourish and grow.
It’s sadly the thing no one ever talks about or even considers. It’s like we are blind to the most important element of healthy relating and loving.
We go around seeking connection with others. We study how to spot someone emotionally available. We complain when we feel disconnected and yet we never consider how connected (or disconnected!!!) we are to ourselves.
But still, we think that we should just feel this deep sense of connection when we meet another adult who might be relationship material. Only when it doesn’t happen, we feel devastated.
The problem is that we are looking in the wrong direction.
The connection we seek cannot be given to us. It doesn’t come from the outside. Nothing from the outside can connect to us when we are disconnected on the inside.
It just doesn’t work that way - no matter how much we wish that it did.
There is no external fix to an internal problem.
And that’s where my work comes in. That’s where deep inner change work and transformative healing come in.
Together we focus on the root causes so we can tend to them and develop a completely new pattern that will allow you to connect in safe, healthy, loving and empowering ways.
Life and love will never be the same again!
When you live life fully connected, there is a vitality and joy that comes with it that seems to enhance everything you feel.
For me and so many of my clients, it feels like a completely new way of being.
Not just a little improvement or upgrade but a completely different way of being you and experiencing life as you.
The problems so many of us experience on a daily basis simply dissolve by themselves.
❤️ You won’t have to read 5000 boundary books to set a boundary and still feel uncomfortable doing it. Instead, you’ll know when to do it, how to do it and you’ll do it confidently and comfortably.
❤️ You will never follow another regimented self-care routine to only lose motivation after 10 days and feel like a failure ever again. Instead, you’ll intuitively develop your own and enhance your wellbeing on all levels with ease and vitality.
❤️ You will never apologise to anyone for feeling how you feel or saying what you need because you’ll finally know that what is going on for you is valid and deserves consideration and compassion.
❤️ You won’t attract people into your life who are uncaring, selfish, neglectful or emotionally immature and unavailable because you have stepped into your next level you and so why would you settle for less when what you provide for yourself is so much better than what others have to offer.
No, it doesn’t make any sense anymore.
You don’t eat someone else’s mouldy bread they are offering you when you can cook a super-delicious meal at home.
There’s no need to settle.
There’s no need to sit back and hope and pray that someone else treats you right.
There is no tolerance for self-disempowerment anymore.
When you are connected on the inside, you rise. You step it up. You own it.
Life changes when you change.
Your relationships change when you do.
There is no magic formula that can make it work any other way.
People try to sell you some "3 magic words to attract the soulmate that will never do or say anything wrong". Millions buy that kind of stuff and it’s all nonsense.
There’s no need to look for a magic pill on the outside.
What we all need is to fully connect to ourselves, embrace and reclaim our feelings, needs and desires.
Everything we need is within us and we only need to learn how to use it in a way that feels right for us.
That’s the work we do together … the deep inner change work.
And that is the path to getting what you truly want in life: deep emotional connection, feeling like you belong and that you’re worthy of being in the incredible relationship you’re in - with yourself and others <3
PS: I invite you to join my powerful signature program ‘Fully Connected’ in which I will teach you my process for reclaiming your power, creating amazing relationships and living your life feeling whole and fully connected.
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