Are You Progressing In Your Healing Journey?Sep 05, 2022
One of the most common questions I am asked by my clients - especially during assessment sessions - is how far along they are in their recovery or healing journey.
“I have been reading everything there is. I have even taken some courses and I know a lot. But I am starting to wonder how long I have to keep this going. When have I progressed enough to finally be able to move on?”
This is something I have heard hundreds of times over the past decade.
Today I wanted to share a few of my thoughts and responses to this in case you have ever wondered the same.
Define Your End Goal
Progress implies an end goal. Unfortunately, only very few clients have one. Their goal is just ‘less of this’.
Humans are generally not very motivated by small goals so a better self-care routine is not going to motivate us enough to set boundaries with people we love or fear.
‘Less of this’ also doesn’t feel exciting so the payoff seems very small. We just want to get out of pain. But then what?
And I get it. I truly do.
But ‘less of this’ is not what has changed my life.
I always knew there was more of me that I wanted to share, that I wanted to be.
Healing was my way of getting there.
The unhealed me couldn’t have stomached sharing her truth online for thousands of people to see.
She would have been a nervous wreck, sick to the stomach, shaking and sweating, her mind out of control … in total threat response.
Healing needs a deeper purpose attached to it.
It’s not ungrateful to want more.
Wanting more, thinking ahead and dreaming big actually helps us to heal and make more progress, if there is such a thing.
So instead of focusing on the progress you think you are or aren’t making, think about the end goal.
- What do you want healing to result in?
- What could be a bigger vision for your life?
- What matters the most to you?
- What would excite you to experience?
- What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Then dream bigger.
And take action.
Another Stick To Beat Yourself With?
Have you considered that judging yourself not to be making enough progress might just be another stick to beat yourself with?
Your unhealed self will be in the habit of beating you up.
There will be A LOT of self-criticism, negative self-judgments and unfavourable comparisons to others.
It’s NOT a loving way of being with yourself.
But you’re used to it so you take it.
It comes so naturally that most of the time you don’t even notice until you feel really bad, irritable or hopeless.
Old patterns are sneaky.
You can know a lot about healing but unless you also implement what you are learning and make it work for you, old patterns will stay strong and take over when you least expect them.
Without invalidating the amazing work you have done and all the progress you have made, catch yourself when you doubt your healing journey.
A doubt is a thought.
There are millions of conditioned thought patterns.
Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
And doubting yourself, your recovery, your progress is a habituated thought that aims to make you feel bad about yourself.
It feeds right into the old pattern you are trying to break free from.
And you are!
Old habits crop up to test us and keep us on our toes.
It’s normal. Don’t let it worry you.
Instead, recognise it, roll your eyes at it and say, “No thank you. Not this again. I know better now.”
Then focus your attention to think about a recent win and train your brain to notice all of the positive changes you have been making.
That’s healing in action and you’re doing it!
More Implementation, Less Information
This was probably my biggest ‘progress block’ if there is such a thing.
I’m a nerd. I love to read. I love to learn. I love to think. I love to plan.
Implementing not so much …
But implementing is where it’s at.
That’s when real change happens.
I reckon that you can make more progress by implementing what you learn from one book than by reading 100 and not doing anything with it.
So what do I have to do to change this considering I LOVE to learn lots and don’t want to deprive myself of all that mental stimulation?
I commit to implementing something new every week.
Whatever I learn, I practice it until it becomes a habit.
Then I stack these skills and experience massive changes.
This brings me to another point I want you to let in:
There is no healing journey that’s perfect.
There are no rules. There are no instructions. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Healing is the most personalised experience so let it be yours.
Stop judging it. Stop comparing it. Just let yourself experience it.
Make it work for you.
Connect to yourself as much as possible.
Always look for how things make sense because they always do.
And if you need help with that, I am here to support you with it.
With Love, Marlena
If you are ready to take your healing journey to the next level with world class support, I invite you to work with me. Just click the picture below to find out more.